Finding Role Models Along The Path: Moving From Practice To Lifestyle
Lately, I’ve been trying to really solidify my commitment to mindful, moral, and compassionate living. I want to embody equanimity and wisdom. I don’t have a Buddhist monk as a teacher. I have no great Stoics as mentors. But I do have access to their words. I may not be able to reach out to them with questions any time I wish, but I can find teachers in print and in video. I’ve learned that in the absence of face-to-face teachers, we must at least find role models.
I wasn’t born into a family that practiced mindfulness. I wasn’t born into Buddhist tradition, or any religion for that matter. I discovered Buddhism and Stoicism in my mid-twenties. So that’s twenty of my most formative years that I lived largely without mindful awareness and without the desire to live compassionately. So even after years of serious study and practice, mindfulness, equanimity, and unconditional compassion don’t always come naturally to me. This is why it’s important to have role models, even if they are ones we can never meet—to show us how to move beyond merely practicing and transition towards becoming.
It might sound silly, but I’ve long had this crossover image of two role models in particular in association with my blog The Mindful Stoic, which is all about the pursuit of balance between striving and enjoying life in the now (hence the name of its associated newsletter The Pursuit of Balance). I always thought it would be amazing to have the deep compassion, wisdom, and equanimity of the late Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, but combined with the unstoppable motivation and forward center of gravity of a David Goggins. In my mind, one is a model image of peace, while the other is a model image of strength.
I’m not limited to just these two role models, but they are important ones. The Mindful Stoic is practically based on the premise that it is necessary to strike a balance between doing and being—that we must know how to rest just as well as we must know how to work. We need to tap into the simple beauty of the present moment. But we must also bring the best version of ourselves to our daily commitments, obligations, and responsibilities. I’m no master here, but I do believe that it’s this obsession with striking a balance between doing and being that has allowed me to maintain 50- to 60-hour work weeks nonstop since I was nineteen without ever suffering from burnout or depression (although I have come close).
It’s useful to have role models to help transform a practice into a lifestyle, especially when you lived two-thirds of your life not living that way. As I said, Hanh’s life was a manifestation of peace. Seemingly everything he ever did, said, or wrote was in harmony with nature. Goggins, on the other hand, is a symbol of unwavering forward momentum—of doing what needs to be done no matter what, of pushing physical and mental limits to discover the essence of human potential. It’s useful to study people like these because they didn't dabble. They truly lived these values that they are known for today. By watching them—how they move, how they speak, what they do, what they say—we can gain essential insights that help us embody those values, too.
Most recently, I’ve adopted another role model—one who is perhaps a living, breathing crossover of a Goggins-like-hard-nosed-discipline type and the peaceful wisdom of a Buddhist monk. I’m talking about the Shaolin master Shi Heng Yi. The Shaolin tradition is a marriage of martial arts and Buddhist practices. It’s an artful tradition rooted in Buddhism, with flavors of Taoism, Confucianism, and manifestations of martial arts, traditional medicine, and calligraphy.
Yi’s speech embodies calm and strength. Watching his Ted talks or his interviews, you see that he emanates both humility and confidence. He speaks slowly, thoughtfully, and deliberately. I was immediately captivated by Shi Heng Yi because of his aura of balance between hardness and softness.
It’s OK for me to want to speak like him. It’s OK for me to want to move like him. I even recently began listening to traditional Chinese and Japanese music that makes me feel as if I’m near an old temple, quite simply because it makes me feel peaceful.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with who I am. But who I am is someone who wants to embody characteristics that these other guys have mastered. So I should look to others for inspiration and insight while retaining my unique strengths and flaws.
I recently wrote an article on the importance of mentors and teachers. In it, I shared my experience of some guidance I had received from a senior leader at work. I value the mentorship I receive at my day job. However, I’ve yet to take that step towards finding a mentor for my moral and mindful practices. I must do that, because nothing can replicate the real feedback that only a student-teacher relationship can provide.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to emulate certain aspects of my role models. Thich Nhat Hanh will continue to be my model for compassionate thought, speech, and action, as well as inner stillness cultivated through mindfulness practice. Although I look to him much less often, I will continue to view David Goggins as a model of how to embrace discomfort while exploring one’s potential. I’ll continue to look to Master Shi Heng Yi as a model of how to balance the warrior’s spirit with the peaceful wisdom of a monk.
Who are your role models? Do you agree with the idea that we can derive value from observing role models in print or film? Let me know in the comments.